You know there is that saying that you can be the ripest. most juicy peach in the world and you’re still going to meet people who don’t like peaches? Well that is the kind of day I’m having.
And it makes you question whether you should be a peach at all, or just be an apple even though every other person loves them some peaches. I just hope that everyone who loves peaches doesn’t just tell me to be more of an apple just in case I need to turn into a fruit salad at a later date. I’m learning to love myself as a peach instead of faking being a plumb, I shouldn’t need to conform just so someone else will find me delicious. They just need to respect me when they see me with all my peaches at the fruit store and then go hang with the apples…ya know?
It’s been a long day and my brain hurts. I need to be more confident in who I am and less guilty about not making everyone happy…because I know that not everyone spends as much time worrying if they are making me happy. And they’re not making me happy today that’s for sure.
2 years self harm free and let me tell you there will still be days when you come home and cry…but it is so much better than feeling nothing everyday and letting happiness pass you by. And I just made that rhyme without meaning to. Go me!
Just because you’re in the minority doesn’t mean you’re in the right
Think of recovery like a bicycle. When you ride your bicycle down your path to recovery and you fall off, you don’t fall off and go back to the beginning. You fall off having traveled further from where you started, and that part of your journey needs to be appreciated. However, you are not at your destination, so you get back on your bicycle and keep going. You’re getting stronger the more you pedal.
"The most miserable Christians, the most miserable in the church, are the ones who don’t serve, because they are living contrary to their Spiritual DNA"- John Bevre
For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. - Mark 10:45
Let me encourage you to SERVE every opportunity you are given and to serve faithfully. Use your gifts and skills to serve those around you and serve the body of Christ.
I need to stop finding my value in what other people think of me. My value doesn’t come from opinion.
I want you to imagine a ten year old version of yourself sitting right there on this couch. Now this is the little girl who first believed that she was fat, and ugly, and an embarrassment.
This is groundbreaking
I JUST learned that you can reblog your own posts like why did no one tell me you call yourselves my followers
I’ve been stuck now for almost 2 weeks. I got hit unexpectedly with this huge trigger from out of the blue and it threw me and caused me to do a complete 180 on everything that I was doing and a part of, and it threw me into unnecessary anxiety and panic in areas that were completely unrelated, and made me second guess everything around me. I just crashed and crashed HARD, and it hadn’t hit me like this in a very long time. A lot of fear, a lot of anxiety physically making me sick, stress and guilt and sadness. And it was/is SO STUPID, and very unrelated and illogical really. Sometimes that’s the thing that sucks about being so far along in recovery. You know the answers, you can rationalize and process and seek God and pray and look for positives. You know every way to handle these kinds of situations. The problem is…there has never been THIS situation before, you don’t know how you’re going to react, and all the logic in the world means diddly squat when you can’t sleep or talk to people normally and you literally just want to curl up in bed and hide from the world because of the bad monsters that may or may not be lurking outside or near or in the same world as your front door. You transfer emotions from old situations onto current things and exaggerate them and panic and it’s all unnecessary. But your brain does it without you thinking about it and the way you feel at the time is genuine.
I wasn’t going to settle for it though. I probably spent about 3 days running and hiding before I actually trusted God with it and getting prayer and seeking advice. If I had $1 for the amount of times I say “Christ is enough, Lord I trust you” but then try to solve it on my own I would be very very rich. There is literally nothing more I can physically do but fix my eyes upon God and his promises and pray for the renewing of my mind and breakthrough because God is using this to grow me for something in the future (although right now that thought terrifies me too). It just amazes me how much past habits and people and situations can have a hold over you and draw you back after a long period of time. And God reveals another layer you need to get through, another wall of Jericho to tear down. And you grow.
I like the part where you grow, where at the end you look back and are like “thanks God, I made it through because of you”. That’s what I’m clinging to now, because when you’re stuck in the middle where the growth looks more like drowning it’s a bit freaky…at least until you learn how to stand and walk on the water.
Process for going to bed: Declare loudly that you are going to bed but actually continue to sit on the couch for another 45 minutes